We left Ohio ten days ago with a powerful lust for lobster and nothing much else in mind except watching mother ocean caress the shore with azure waves of relentlessness... We were bound for Maine...having never been there before and lured in by the advertisements...
and we drove there... so the plan was to split the sixteen hour drive into two days which put us near Oneonta (Oh Knee On TA) on our first night after driving through Injun country. Casinos in the wilderness among the great forests of trees for no apparent reason. They are just "sticking it to the white man" I suppose... it serves us right, we have it coming.
Day two and we entered Massachusetts... as we neared Boston the only restaurants on the off ramps were Dunkin Doughnuts, so many of them... it was horrible... all the way to Maine. We couldn't know then that once we left New york we had abandoned all hope of finding a half way decent restaurant.
They say that Portland Maine is a foodie paradise. They lie. They lie like old rugs bought from flea markets on creaky wooden floors made of reclaimed wood from shipwrecks. And they lie loudly.
As I mentioned earlier the other thing you notice right away is everyone in Maine is a
LOUD TALKER probably they are all deaf from boat engine noise. New England accents at maximum volume.
We actually heard someone scream
I CAN BE AS LOUD AS I WANT!!! Maine...Vacation land...
Wait, before we got there we drove through New Hampshire... "Aw ***" I muttered to myself... I didn't know we would be driving through stupid New Hampshire... "What's wrong with New Hampshire?" my youngest son asked. and right on cue was the sign.
My son was shocked. "What an awful thing to put on a sign"... He remarked.. "Everyone in New Hampshire is crazy" I said. and I had no problem convincing him. I hit the gas and we kept right on going.
On top of being obnoxiously loud, everyone in maine is ugly.
And not regular american ugly. It's a special kind of wind weathered ugly you only find on the coast. Years of isolation and inbreeding... wave whipped and icy frost bit scars... craggy mean faces of a hard fought life lost.... sweet creeping jebus there is another one!!!... /swerves to avoid hitting someone on a bicycle
Finally we reached our lake cottage...but the servants were still there putting the finishing touches on it so we drove back to the supermarket to pick up supplies....