FFXIAH Linkshell Ni

Pops humiliates everyone...

good old pops, he will probably die with a wine bottle in one hand and some chick's *** in the other. Even at 73, looking 103, with his body ravaged by a lifetime of drinking, he somehow finds the temerity to make a 20th century *** of himself on the regular. If you have the misfortune to travel in circles that include my extended family members you will hear stories that will curl your nose hairs.

In only takes two words to set this human wrecking ball in motion on a doomsday course with infamy and the kind of shame and disgrace a family isn't likely to live down in a mere generation or three....
Something about those two words and an invitation to pops can change a quaint wedding reception into a drunken bar brawl escaped zoo animal roundup crying children groped waitresses several wedding gifts destroyed when the gift table is overturned wedding cake on the floor riot police intervention tear gas tear jerker and all around apocalyptic hullabaloo ...

and god love them... no matter what happens every stinking time they just keep on inviting him...

Why?

It's one of the great questions of the universe. Why are we here? and Why do my family members keep inviting my pops to weddings?

How can the bond of family somehow override a lifetime of precedent in behavior? I can see the soon to be blushing bride's hands tremble as they summon whatever god like strength is necessary to drop his invitation into the mail box.

and then the cold wind sends a chill up their spine as the clouds gather and the sky darkens and satan laughing spreads his wiiiings oh lord yeah!

PARKER Edit: musical interlude

Do you want to be "that guy" at the wedding? are you ready to take it to a whole new level brother? are you willing and able to burn your last name into the book of the damned for all eternity? are you ready to scar the minds and souls of four or five generations of your family all at one time?

according to the book of pops all it takes is an open bar and a persistent disregard for the well being of others and your own legacy and blammo, you are there man. In that ungodly place where memories fade into legands

there is a alcohol fueled psychological break that occurs in pops that somehow ignores all the evil my moms can muster with her stupid eyebrow raises, condescending looks and snide comments. the alcohol intake gauge hits a certain crucial level and the switch is thrown his brain shifts into maximum overdrive all the internal and external behavior error alerts are ignored... time itself begins to stretch and curve, memories blur as the music distorts into a cacophony.

that feeling you get when you near the brink and are being pulled back by reason or respect for your wife... pops simply ignores that, cranks up the music in his head and lets it all hang out. he stares down at the drink that will push him over the edge and says... *** it. enjoy your conscience from the sidelines boys, it's time for pops to screw it on!

moms is a 12th dan ninja supreme grand master at the art of making people feel bad about themselves, she wrestled the title from the stony cold dead grasp of grandma dog on her death bed.

She comes from a long hideous line of evil, her monstrous pedigree is written in human blood and suffering on walls made of plastered bodies and papered in pastel flower printed human skin. EVERYTHING IS FINE. WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY. and then on closer inspection you see each individual letters is made up of a scrawled list of sins that makes the spanish inquisition look like a tea party for four year old girls who have never heard a curse word.

only a few ticky tocks on the clock separate me from the final reading of this most foul litany by saint peter himself, who will quit halfway through... I'm fairly certain our family is responsible for everything from the black plague to the irish potato famine... which started out as simple payback for some mis-perceived slight against my great great great grandmother by her neighbor... and then like a lot of our family stories it ends with "and then a million people starved to death..."

For fun I like to type our name in Ancestry.com and watch the server seize and convulse in horror as my ancestors are linked to every known crime against humanity committed since the beginning of time.

Right, but where were we.... Oh yeah!!!

But all the icy stares in the universe can't hold pops back. He hears or sees OPEN BAR and he quickly crumples up his last shred of dignity and casually tosses it into an ashtray...wild dogs couldn't drag him away...or police dogs or any combination of the two, I've seen it.

So don't feel bad.

Even with the help of prescription strength ***, few people can take the necessary steps down the evolutionary ladder to get on pops "level" as not everyone can casually cast off their humanity when they toss their tuxedo jacket to the coat check girl like pops can...and then he pinches them on the butt and asks them what they are doing later while my mom is in his other arm trying to kill her with an evil glare....

why, the two of them almost dual handily established the psychological profession into the booming industry it is today!

so many victims, so few support groups

amen

Zimmerman and Trayvon.