Final Fantasy XI Explained

Final Fantasy XI - Red like Ferrari (FFXI, FF11, FFXIRLF) is a revolutionary MMORPG from Square'anux. Released in 2002 Final Fantasy XI has since become the dominant game on the MMORPG market. Final Fantasy XI is Squenux's flagship game to promote their 'Gaming together on any console ever made... ever' ideal, FFXI being the first game to run on any console ever made in the history of mankind. FFXI is sited as the main reason world of warcraft failed to ever gain a substantial player base, as FFXI was just too damn awesome.
Contents

1. Story

Your a character who starts out in Vana' Diel and you must rank up do tons of missions and pull out all your hair completing CoP Missions because they're ridiculously hard but it all works out in the end!

Game play

Upon 'logging on' to FFXI, the player is confronted by TaruTaru Morpheous and given the choice of the Blue Pill or the Red Pill, when the player picks the Blue pill they are directed to FFXIs main server for play and forget about the Real World. Picking the Red Pill glitches the game into reloading the log on page, having the player once again confronted by TaruTaru Morpheous. Squenux has stated they are 'looking into the problem'.

Jobs

Standard Jobs

Warrior
Warrior is said to be the most complex job of FFXI. Warriors have a multitude of offensive and defensive techniques such as Defender, which lowers attack yet raises defense, and Berserk, a move that raises attack but lowers defense. These two moves are often cleverly combined to do nothing at all. In a party the Warrior's main job is to hit monsters with large swords so that they look all uber like Cloud. Once, it was believed that this job should not be used beyond level 30 due to the availability of advanced jobs. However, in recent times it has been discovered that a Warrior who dual-wields axes who is actually levelled past 30 will eventually learn the weaponskill Rampage, which makes all other weaponskills so obsolete that the other damage dealer jobs are now primarily seen seen drinking themselves into a stupor in the Merry Minstral in Jeuno, ranting about the good old days.

White Wimps
As white is the color of innocence, it is ironic that white wimps on FFXI are ***. A white wimp's main role in life (should that be game?) is to accept money off strangers so that they may take them to the middle of nowhere then run away; this is called tele-***. White wimps do occasionally use other spells apart from the teleports; these spells are called 'Cures'. However, these spells are rarely used as every job in the game must sub Ninja, as we all know using MP to heal people is a waste of MP.

Black Mages
Black Mages control Mother Nature. Your plants a tad dry? Well, a Black Mage will turn on the water using the spell 'Water' and give them a good drink. This job has recently gone the way of the dinosaur due to every monster in the game having been given the trait 'auto-reflect'.

Red Mages
Red Mages are the transvestites of FFXI, they are people who can't make up their mind. Should I be a White Mage? Should I be a Black Mage? Should I be a Warrior? I think I like men and women? All these thoughts lead people to be Red Mages. White Wimps are not the only *** in ffxi. Red Mages derive their name from the areas they spend time in, as many people who play this job are seen in the red light district of Jeuno, 'refreshing' people (thus called refresh ***.) After an extreamly good few hours of 'refreshing' people in parties some lucky Red Mages recive their client's Pimp Hat and proudly wear it to show off to newbies. Gotta love the pimp hat...

Monk
Monk is the job for people who don't actually have time to play an MMORPG. The Monk's ability to deal just enough damage not to take hate if they just auto-attack and do nothing else means that a player can engage a mob, go AFK to do something, and only return every five minutes or so to see whether the current mob is dead and they have to hit auto-attack on the new one.

Thief
Thief is the job for people who hate everyone. Unfortunately, thieves cannot pop out of the bushes and tell another player, "Gimmie your GP or your HP, beeyotch!" as thieves can only steal items from mobs. The chance at actually stealing anything of any value is phenomonally low, not only because most mobs are broke, but unemployed. Also, the recast time for "Steal" is way too high, or at least high enough to make even the most industrious thieves seem like slackers. They do get a neat passive ability called "Treasure Hunter" which allows thieves to acquire rarer items at a marginally accelerated rate. All in all, thieves do the most damage from behind, a trick they are taught at level 5 by doing a side quest for the Duke of Jeuno, Snoop Doggy Dogg. Thieves are only good at DD (damage dealing, not dumpster-diving) if they have someone to tank the mob, so they can attack from behind like pansies. They can use the ability 'flee' to run twice as fast for 15 seconds, which is just enough time to run from one mob that would kill you in ten seconds into another one.

"Advanced" Jobs

After reaching level thirty, new and more exciting jobs are available:

Bards
Probably undoubtedly the true heroes of Vana'diel. Bards specialize in giving party members what they desperately need (songs), whether it be shooting up Minuet for the melees or snorting Ballad for the mages. For this reason, and this reason only, parties CRAVE Bards like Manthras crave attention. However, Bards are usually terrible in combat as their usual method of fighting things involves a slap and instant gratification. Bards have been known to sport the color red (awesome!...it doesn't really matter) as well as sometimes hanging out at Yagudo Feathers, the local Jeunoan bar run by Cid, of Bastok. There, they can often be found performing "Refreshing" favors for other mages. Bards are much more effective at "Refreshing" whole parties at a time, because they have an A+ skill.

Dragoons
The greatest damage dealer job of FFXI. They have to fight off the party invites! They are able to use a job ability called "Call Wyvern" which activates "Fly". With this they can travel to any area they have been! Cliffs? Not a problem, use “Jump”! Cliff too high? Use “High Jump”! Be careful with Super Jump though, you might fly up to Sky and have to solo Kirin. Unfortunately, getting this job requires rescuing the last Wyvern in existence, so only one player can get this job per server. Most Dragoons are either Japanese players who've been playing since the beginning, or hackers who made their characters on Atomos (test server) and then transferred them to another server.

Corsair (Crack Pirates)
Crack Pirates are one of the most unusual jobs in the game, with exciting “Luck based” abilities such as “smuggle” where the user gets a random chance to enter any of the three countries with out being caught or reported by authorities. Sporting in-game Jack Sparrow accents, they are commonly found with Slutty ***.

Samurai
The only job in the game that's forced to use a two-handed weapon, the Great Katana. They have the ability to use Meditate and gain TP, 20/tick with their AF helm. Samurais have found to have a third nipple, which can be used through the ability "Third Eye". By using this ability they're able to dodge the next hit directed to them. It is rumored that they can absorb more than one hit with this ability through the use of the defensive ability Seigan, but since it and the offensive ability Hasso are mutually exclusive, no one has bothered to test this theory.

Blue Warrior
A job based on the power of masochism. Blue Warriors can be seen across Vana'diel with their backs turned to enemies that they've gotten pissed off at them by beating them up to near death. This is in hopes that the monster will use the one attack out of twenty that the Blue Warrior can learn to use, inexplicably through the use of MP, and that this time the Blue Warrior will in fact actually learn it. Blue Warrior players have also been known to enjoy looking for Pink Tails in Final Fantasy IV.

Summoner
This job calls powerful beings called "Sleeping Gods" to destroy enemy armies for you. Summoners have an incredible amount of power, including the ability to transfer their subjob traits to their "pets". However, being a Summoner is illegal in Windurst and you have to constantly fend off fanatical Tarutaru trying to bring you to justice. Also, this job is roundly criticized for not being able to heal very effectively. Sleeping Gods available so far: Ifrit, Shiva, Garuda, Alexander, Odin, Bahamut, Jormungandr, Atomos, and Anima.

Puppetmaster
For those who loved playing with dolls in their childhood (or still do), be they girly men or... uh... girls, this is the perfect job. Puppetmasters specialize in calling out their "Automatons", which is just a fancy name for the dolls they play dress up with. Many go to an old Galka collector who lives in his parent's basement (or eBay) to find that one perfect outfit to make their Automaton the prettiest at the Vana'diel Ball.

Scholar
This is a pure mage class that relearns the same damned spells they already knew before. Like the Sage class that Tellah from FFIV was an example of, the Scholar uses both black and white magic, has the ability to "Remember" spells that they know from other jobs but can't currently cast, and physically hits like a girl. Rumor has it that if you level Scholar to 61, your character turns into a Gyarados.

Time Mage
Masters of space and time, this hidden job, discovered by Lago of Lakshmi, is unlocked by eating a rare bazaarable food called Time Mage Hat while talking to NPCs as described here. The Time Mage has a wealth of abilities and spells themed around space and time, including Comet and Meteor (but inexplicably not Haste or Slow). The exclusive "Timing" job ability allows them to choose when their spells go off, such as just after a skillchain, or when the mob hits 10% HP, or just before the mob almost wiped out the party three battles ago. They can also cause skillchains by storing up and releasing the chain effect of a WS or blood pact; this has made skillchains so easy that many players complain they never see SCs anymore in parties without a TIM. A few enterprising players have discovered that TIM can tank by taking all its damage in manageable chunks after battle; this has been roundly criticised as the worst method of tanking yet envisioned due to excessive downtime, and many White Wimps dread staying for hours after the party to heal the Time Mage tank.

Beastmaster
Master of the beasts, this job uses the force of angry NPCs to assist you in battle. Beastmasters are easily one of the best jobs to have on your team, because they are basically a 2-in-1 class. Beastmasters can further their pets' abilities by marrying them. If the beast accepts the proposal, both receive an additional +10 to all stats. Beastmaster wield one-handed axes, 2-handed axes, claymores, holy capes, footballs, and telephones.

Gilfarmer
This job is unlocked if your account has been active 24 hours a day for 365 days. Mainly played by Chinese masters, these players fight without armour to hone their skills in dying.

Gilbuyer
Masters of the bow, gun, crossbow, and online Chinese gil buying, Gilbuyers are an elite class in the game. For a mere $90 one can acquire 2 million gil and buy all the most uber gear and ruin the economy all at once! One can wear leather clothes and shoot things, enjoy the comforts of a pimp Mog House, not to mention the extreme pleasure of being able to receive abuse from the rest of the players.

Ninja
Like the Samurai, this job wields katana, but wields one in each hand. This deadly assassin uses a number of super-secret "ninjutsu" spells such as Utsusemi, a spell that causes them to automatically win a battle. They also have the ability to commit seppuku as a 2-hour, which lets them warp and gain xp instead of losing it, thus making them the best solo job. Other jobs usually sub Ninja because it allows them to use two weapons, thus hitting twice as fast, and makes them invincible, taking no damage from anything the mob does.

Dancer
Dancers use the ability, Dance, to inflict many ailments on enemies or teammates. They can only use 3-handed weapons, and throwing items. Their dance ability can inflict ailments such as Chicken Pox, Nosebleed, Toe jam malfunction, and n00b stomach. Nosebleed has been proven to be the most useful, as it causes the enemy to run away, and return in a weakened state. Along with Beastmasters, Dancers are perfectly adept to soloing. It's been rumored that Dancers can take out Fafnir alone.

How to Play

Chances are, you're playing the game incorrectly, especially if you are one of the following jobs: war (War), nin (Nintendo Entertainment System), rdm (Radar machine), or mnk (Monkey). The proper party is a drk (Dork), a pld (Plaid shirt), a thf (Can opener), a blm (Bellhop), a whm (Wham!), and a brd (Breadboard).

Additionally, proper play of the game requires that you meet the following creteria:

* 722 buttons pressed per second, on average.
* 24.3 hours spent each day on play.
* 100% of your financial assets spent on the game.
* 100% of your loans or other debts spent on the game.
* You have played the game nonstop since the day before it came out.
* Survival on Cheetos and Mountain Dew.
* Must Be over 300pounds
* requires living in a basement with your mother

Taken from Uncyclopedia, hope you enjoyed it.

lol at gilbuyer and gilfarmer jobs.

This was lame, sorry.

I'm sorry this is not up to Norway's Standard of comedy, my apologies to the great nation of comedians.

This one is better

http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Final_Fantasy_XI

lol nice find ^^

I second this, also, you forgot a job, or maybe it could be a trait ?

"Egodumbass" you know? thoses kind of morons who think they are the ***or somes kind of god sent because they have X or Y piece of virtual crap! because having the best gear in FFXI mean you are somes kind of pillar of the society! you need to mention it! because you see them a lot around /grin

Omg that cracked me up lmao That is awesome ^^v

Lastok... i mean ... Bastok FTW



WoW OIFNHAIONPIJOW: ARGHHHH!

Scholar - Wearing school outfits, they are most useful in fighting enemies with tentacles

lolz

Not to mention a hidden job trait called "can't tank worth a crap" you receive around level 55ish lol

This is pretty cute but need a major overhauls on the spelling and grammar departments. I think it's pretty cute.

yeah I like the link one better lol! The one first posted is not bad for work safe humor tho!

A message from the Department of Redundancy Department.

He's referring to me of course. Since expecting more than mediocrity out of others makes me a pillar of society! Pretty sweet actually.

Frobeus *** off with serious talk and butthurt in a lol thread.

Dark Knight – Played by emos who cut themselves to deal more damage. Have crapass magic and usually get killed in 1 hit. Their ability lets them put a band aid on their razor cuts. They whine a lot because nobody wants to invite them due to the fact they suck the mp out of a white mage faster than your mom sucks baby batter out of a football team. Maybe if they stopped cutting themselves, or didn't get monster hate all the time by whining like little emo ***, they'd be useful.

LOL

A NSFW (Not Safe For Work) tag would've been appreciated.

I can't wait to get an email from IT asking me explain the picture of a nekkid Mithra with a penis on that page...

nice

My Personal Favorite:



LOL

***, thanks for the warning lol Almost popped that baby open in the middle of class >.>'' I already get odd stairs for the Trigun cat hat I wear...Manthra porn would just be the icing on the weird college chic cake D:

I'm with this guy... I can't tolerate egotistical Screw tards, that have nothing to do but to flip their hair and to pose in fron of a mirror and say.. God..Don't I look hawt and macho with this uber gear as well?

Old saying goes... Put your money where your mouth is.. but then again, I don't care where your mouth has been, /laugh.... hint hint...

LOL[/quote]

Not gonna lie...I've considered this for when I quit. Got the idea from RMT on Pandemonium that would CFH on any NM about to kill them. Particularly the THFs who tried to solo Demonic Tiphia in a perpetual battle of stupidity.

Not really to be an *** (okay, it is a douche move), but to remind people that they're spending 6 hours a day camping pixels, and getting RL migrains over them. gg!

lol, this is great

I could sure as hell use a reminder. I've slipped into taking the game too seriously. Hell, the only times I really enjoy the game seem to be during Dynamis. (Perhaps I just need some In-Game friends. *Shrug*)

Hey guyz just got back from doing some sweet poses in front of my huge 1337 mirror I just bought! So what's new?

This thread is suppose to be FFXI explained, yet key mysteries such as "wtf is a Funguar" are left out...

Yeah. For the past few months I've only gotten on for Nyzul and Dynamis. Leaving my PLD with a whole 5k buffer, and my WAR getting like 5 merits off Nyzul alone. xD It's not to do with in-game friends...although they DO make the experience more fun and I'd have quit a long time ago without them...it's more that either way you just get bored of the game. And it's usually when you realize it's nothing but pixels you spend 500 days on.