Random Thoughts.....What Are You Thinking?

Just out of curiosity, is there anyone out there who holds in their emotions for everything and then just blows their top eventually? Literally like a volcano, pressure builds and builds and then it just goes off in a cataclysmic, explosive, violent event?

It's building now and quickly. Tomorrow is a bad day of the year, and I can feel it and I know that I'm probably going to end up losing control of everything tonight. I'm bad with expressing my emotions, they get bottled up, and then even well after the event that lead to said bottled emotions is over, they still add up. I blow up for seemingly no reason because a year of crappy, miniscule events has been somehow stored in my emotional pit.

yes i do. though it may not seem it on here lol in rl i hold in most things that bother me about my family. then every few months something small makes me explode and have a huge meltdown and yell at everyone lol its not very healthy but i cant always just speak my mind about things i dont like here with my sisters bf here lol

I think it's pretty normal for anyone, other than those types of people who just get emotional on the spot every time something little happens.

I had to re-evaluate the way I handle things after a few years ago (I don't know... five or so?) when "exploding" like that made me put myself in the ER.

The only thing I really had to change about it was, instead of always holding it all in, I ended up with a friend that I would swap problems with (I know you have a wife to talk to, but it's different when the person you're talking to doesn't have to get emotionally invested in your issues, and you with theirs). Even if we don't solve each others' problems, just getting the stuff bothering me out in the open tends to help.

Not saying it's the perfect solution for anyone other than me, but it's something to consider. (Plus, it doesn't hurt that my friend that I talk to is a pretty attractive female.)

Everyone has to explode sometimes. You can't hold it all in forever. If tomorrow is the one day of the year you can let it go, then let it go. If you can feel it coming on, then hopefully you can control yourself to where you don't blow up on the people you love-- but do blow up so you can move on.

Now, here is an awkward hug. Awkward, because I'm not Annika and you are not my man. But you do need a hug.

I think at a certain point, everyone feels that they have to bottle in their emotions. It's part of that whole image thing. Your boss makes you mad, and instead of yelling at him you hold it in even though you know he deserves getting punched in his annoying gob. So because of image, to a point I feel everyone bottles it up. As to when it explodes, there are ways to personally remove these feelings without throwing your prized 40 bottlecap collection across the room. I find on occasion that talking to myself the conversation that I want to have with this person that pisses me off helps, and I can imagine the person giving me the exact reaction that I want them to have. It may sound a little crazy, but that works for me. If it's going to come out, well at least you're reacting to these emotions rather than trying to swallow them down forever and getting a brain aneurysm.

I should clarify, the psycho part of my name is there for a reason, and when I say blow up, I mean the type of thing where after you see it, you don't really ever wanna be around me again. I'm surprised my wife has stuck with me all these years after seeing the ugly side of me, because it can get pretty bad.

The holding it in, isn't exactly normal or everyday holding it in, and the end result is nothing short of spectacular, where you stand back and stare in awe and go 'holy ***'.. I know everyone once in awhile everyone blows up because things just get to be too much, and that's not the kinda thing I'm talking about. I get violent and I lose my damn mind. Like grab at a cops gun while it it's in holster type of losing my mind. Those people who end up as tragic stories on yahoo or whatever that at some point the story says "the officer was forced to fire on the suspect and the suspect was pronounced dead at the scene".

As for Dro, I really wish that were possible. The root of why tomorrow is a bad day is because I pretty much have no one other than my wife. I have no friends, not real life ones anyways. Every time I think I do, they prove otherwise. I had my brothers. One was killed, the other moved away. My entire family is so far separated from everyone else it's not even a damn family, we're a group of strangers loosely tied together by genetics.

I didn't want to say it, and still don't really, but tomorrow is my B-day (didn't wanna say ***cuz I don't want a thread wishing me a happy birthday or anything, it makes me feel awkward and makes the day even worse when the few people who do remember recognize it) and every year it reminds me that I'm alone. That's just too much, that's when things finally blow up.. Every damn thing just becomes too much, all my problems, everything that's pissed me off or made me want to cry comes flooding out. I don't deal with emotion well and things just go to ***quickly. I know it's coming, I can feel it, I can feel it in my throat, I can feel it in my very soul if there is such a thing. I'm going to lose my damn mind and I'm sick of it, I've been sick of it for years, I try to control it but it never relents. Every single damn year. I was fine until about 4-5 hours ago, and now it's happening, again. ***

I know you're all trying to help and I don't mean to just shoot everyone down or anything, I do appreciate what everyone has said, so please don't feel as if I'm just ignoring what you have to say and I'm determined to have a bad day or whatever, but ask my wife, she's seen this happen year after year. I thought for sure I had it on lock this year, and I just got proven wrong.