What Grinds Your Gears?

Adults don't use terms like friend zoned... they deal with their feelings... if they don't want the hazy facade of friendship then they don't let it continue...

What I don't think you get is that some people on the other side genuinely want to stay friends with that person... they don't want to lose a friend... but most times do...

So because someone else is emotionally different then you when it comes to this situation, you think it's fair to complain about how they handle it?

Something that grind my gears: People that don't know what others go through then *** about it.

To an extent yes, but it is equally punishing to having been so heavily invested in one person leave you in the middle ground of uncertainty for an indefinite amount of time. You can bide your time, hold your tongue, hide your love away and let things come as they may, or you can swallow your pride and move on (note: it's still possible to maintain friendship either way). However, understand these are subjective endeavors, and it's not always as easy for others as it would be for you, and vice versa.

Hanging onto (false) hope for someone you've fallen for can be just as excruciating as letting them go and moving onto someone else.

Nothing wrong with feeling sad about... If you weren't hurt by the rejection then I wouldn't think you really cared much about the person and yeah...

Unrequited feelings are a part of life... they suck yeah... and sure we *** to friends about it... but it always seems to me like the person on the other end gets the short end of the stick... they did nothing wrong but inspire good feelings in someone that they consider a friend and they usually end up losing that person... then they get smack talked... not always but many times I hear people come around and start talking about all the bad decisions that person makes or just how much better their lives would be if they had said yes... it's one thing to whine about it to yourself or someone else close but to assign it this negative stigma like someone did something wrong irks the ***outta me...

They did nothing wrong and they lose a friend and usually get a bad wrap for it...

So you can't handle something emotionally and you think its ok to take it out on others?

Grinds my gears...

There's no easy way of saying no, just as there is no easy way of coping with such an answer. It works both ways really.
Just try not to imply that there's villainizing over one's inability to answer their feelings like an adult, just as much as one's inability of dealing with that answer.

Aren't you doing the same thing right now? "I can't stand something so I'm gonna go *** about it on a forum." And you didn't mention talking ***about the person until just now, so whatever.

The only thing I disagree with you on is that the person who rejected someone did nothing wrong... Just because they don't share the same feelings does not somehow automatically put them at fault... they are not holding you down and making you stay their friend... even if they ask you or beg you to you still have the choice to leave to move on... is it hard? yes... very... but it's still on you... you decided to upset the balance and profess your feelings... you decided to take that chance because you thought it was worth it or just couldn't handle keeping it inside... but its all on you... not the other person...

How is I can't stand something so I *** the same as not being able to emotionally handle something so I take it out on others?

Because you're taking your feeling of people with entitlement issues out on people who actually do get heartbroken from the friend zone. Your issue isn't with people get hurt, your issue is with people that think "well I can't have her, so I'm gonna downplay her so nobody else will want her, and maybe she'll come back."

You're right, there's no fault in rejecting a proposal of romance if that's how they honestly feel about it. However, the friend zone thing comes from those that carry out their answer of rejection under a guise or facade of friendship, which more often than not (hence the stigma) is insincere and a form of damage control as to save face under the unfortunate sequence of events.
Really, both parties are responsible for dealing with their emotions like adults, understand it works both ways.

I'm not saying its wrong to be hurt or sad or broken up about getting rejected... I'm saying its wrong to lay any blame at the feet of someone else for not feeling the same and then not being able to understand that they don't want to lose a friendship that they hold dear... that they enjoy... How is it fair to them just because they don't feel the same way and they end up suffering because you can't handle it... You love them? Why do you want to cause them to suffer then? Or do you only love them if you get what you want from it to... because to me if you love someone you want just as much for them, if not more, as you want for yourself... to turn on em or start to feel bitter just because the feelings are not mutual? ***... if you can't handle being friends then do the adult thing and move on...

Well if that's the case... and they're just saying that as damage control then are you really friends? Wouldn't that make it easier to move on if they're just bullshitting you?

You never even mentioned hurting them until a few posts ago, which is completely different than being hurt and crying about it.

I don't really differentiate... I know what it's like to be heartbroken... I know how heavy it can weigh on a person... I also know that if you really are in love, that feeling never goes away... ever...

The difference is that 1) if you really love that person then you either fight for them which could turn out better or worse... 2) accept it and (this is assuming they haven't wronged you) wish the best for them... when you actually love someone you really do want the world for them... even if you can't give it to em... to put a petty label on something and moan about it publicly... to me that's ***... to me that says you really only care about yourself and your own feelings... don't get me wrong though... I understand when people need someone to talk to and you go to other friends or whatever to cope... but to label it like this and openly trash someone else just cheapens the whole thing...

And that's just the thing. It can be interpreted as an insulting position to be put in where your existence to them is conditional; especially if you've spent a prolonged period of time investing your emotions in them, do the point of overlooking otherwise blatant faults and perfecting them to an unreasonable degree. It makes dealing with such an outcome, sincere or not, quite difficult and excruciating.

But like I said before, don't associate friend zone with bringing down another for a personal decision. Don't even associate the notion of friendship as being insincere or not. It simply comes down with being put in the middle with someone you've grown heavily fond of; and it really really sucks.

To me publicly criticizing someone for friend zoning you is an insult... even calling it that is an insult to the person you care about... If you care about em I would think you wouldn't want to label them like that... if they're *** about it I wouldn't think you'd care enough to be their friend or worry about it as much...

You say you've been friend zoned... ever been on the other side?

I have, it's horrible to be the bad guy and I've lost many people because of it.
But friend zone is just a funny nickname, nothing to think much about.

It's more than just a funny nickname...

I guess I still don't get how you're "put in the middle" by anyone other than yourself...

Let me also be clear... there is nothing wrong with being hurt or crying about something like this... in fact I would find it odd if you weren't... my gripe comes with laying blame on anyone let alone the person that said no...

If it is more than just a silly internet namesake to you, then I suggest re-examining your position on this whole thing. It really is nothing more than being put in the position of deciding whether to cling onto the notion of friendship and the potential hope it brings for an indefinite period of time, or cutting your losses and moving onto someone else after having already invested in the one that has rejected you.

The whole villainizing thing doesn't come with the territory, as that's a subjective and individualistic reaction therein.
Some people cope with things differently than others. Some good, some bad. Unfortunately you've let the bad blanket your perspective of a silly nickname.

If you don't think it comes with a negative connotation then you obviously don't listen to people talk when they bring it up...

not only that... you yourself keep blaming the other person for "leaving you in the middle" then say it's both parties responsibility to be an adult... The other person is being an adult by consciously deciding to take the chance at losing a friend by telling them how they truly feel... then being villanized as "wanting their cake and eating it to" because they would like to retain the friendship they had... if you take the risk of asking someone out be prepared for the consequences...

Edit: if you don't want to risk being hurt or "Friend zoned" then don't risk it... but its all on you...

You're constantly implying that there's blame to be had. The simple reality of it is, you are left in the middle when facing the music of rejection. It comes with the territory. It's what happens, and you're left with a difficult choice. It's not nice or easy to deal with, but it's not something that needs to be constantly associated with being right, wrong, or otherwise negatively projecting upon another person.



Something tells me you'd be a great stoic philosopher.

i'm most definitely `120+% sure I've never friend zoned anyone.

That's because people put blame on others all the time when its associated with "friend zoning"

As I've stated many times tonight... yes you are faced with a decision... ask and face rejection or acceptance... and if faced with rejection you decide to stay or move on... but that it is all on the person asking... friend zoning doesn't even make sense... they're rejecting you from a relationship standpoint in which then the person assigns themselves a status...

The person asking put themselves in that situation and should sit ready to face the outcome whatever way it turns out...

Indeed. But the friend zone stipulation is often implied by the person rejecting the notion of romance. They're making a compromise that may or may not be sincere as a form of either keeping the person around, or saving face. It's not always clear which is the case, as that varies case to case. However, putting anyone in the wrong on either position is just silly unless it is blatantly obvious the rejection and notion of friendship is insincere, or the person rejected uses their emotions to justify putting someone down.


Great, now I'm up late studying things like Pyrrhonian skepticism, Ataraxia, and Apatheia.

I friend zone *** like it's my job!

FFXIAH.com crashsing and dying every night at 3AM kinda grinds my gears.
Then again, I probably shouldn't be up this late anyways.

oh lord, I just back read.. lol is all I have to say. People who start drama in threads grinds my gears.