League Of Legends

Observe the jungler in his natural environment. Watch how his teammates use fundamental strategies like warding. See how his allies can hold a lane. Isn't it nice how they got that enemy champion to half health AND are keeping him in the middle of the lane? Mmm, lovely. It's a jungler's wet dream. The perfect kill.

Oh and look! Mid is capable of not disrupting a gank in progress by pushing too far/running away for no reason. That's just perfect. Keep doing that mid-lane friend.

What's that? Another jungler enemy? That's OK, you have allies who are capable of helping out if you need it because they have map awareness and not eyes of a tunnel. But you probably won't need help because you have such a nice team and you are getting quite a few kills with their great setups.

Let's take a moment here and take this jungler out of his happy environment, and let's place him in a game where his teammates can't buy wards because they aren't sure what a ward is exactly. They view map vision as an overrated tool and instead rely on their supernatural map awareness to know when they are about to be ganked.

But wait, what's this? They don't have supernatural map awareness. They can only look at their character while playing because shifting the eyes is a concerted effort of their entire nervous system. So let's go back to that jungler, who is barely of the fourth level. Already his teammates are simultaneously losing their lanes and easily getting outpushed. Why? Because their opponents utilize good harassing tactics and also probably use wards to assure themselves of when they can overextend. They also don't attack automatically every creep foe who is within 10 feet, as they know that zoning an enemy out of his experience zone is a much more useful and satisfying tactic.

Now our fourth level jungler is suddenly facing an onslaught of cries from his teammates asking for ganks. Dejected at the fact that he won't be able to focus on counterjungling or ganking lanes with actual possible kills, he solemnly heads to his allies lane to help ward off imminent team deaths. Unfortunately, his allies see the jungler as an omnipotent force of destruction and proceed to overextend, thereby killing themselves in a blaze of impotent glory. The jungler is at a loss of words at such incredible stupidity, yet he stays in the lane to ward off the destruction of the tower.

But wait, the enemy jungler has just ganked our fellow jungler's friends on the opposite side of the map. Neither ally feels the need to use wards or to watch the map for oncoming traffic. They also autoattack creeps to death so that they can get to that tower ASAP so as to remain rooted in place by that awe-inspiring behemoth of certain death. Since they can't possibly stop the slaughter of creeps, they are always at a perfect gank position. The enemy scum jungler is able to mobilize and get one if not both kills. How can he do this? Well, your allies didn't seem to mind when their healthbars got whittled down by creeps and harassment. Not only that but in their seething bloodlust to wipe every creep off the face of the planet, they don't even *notice* that they are low without their precious summoner abilities, both of which were used ASAP for reasons that cannot be understood.

So now we have two lanes in pandemonium and a middle who is probably feeding because it's their first time playing a ranged middle. Now all 3 lanes are crying for ganks. Except that aforementioned opposite lane is constantly stuck on the enemy tower which protects the enemy foe. That first lane is a futile effort because one/both enemy player(s) are easily outplaying your keyboard turning friends, and now middle is just too far powerful. Not to mention that you are running all over the place not getting a single ounce of experience. Our happy jungler soon succumbs to the stress of his profession and slowly loses his mind. If he takes the time to get buffs or kill dragon, he is clearly an idiot because these friends of his demand immediate ganking action almost constantly. So the enemy jungler is happily taking most of the buffs AND getting dragon kills because he has a team capable of giving the jungler minutes of free time.

Chat is a missmash of colorful ethnicity. We observe the languages of: 'Brazil', 'trollspeak', '12 year old', and 'guy who is 30 but types like a 12 year old'. These grating and displeasing languages are laced with complex vocabulary like NOOB, JUNGLE, GANK NOW, IDIOT, BAD, and 'FK U BAD JUNGL'. The jungler dejectedly wanders aimlessly through the Amazon rainforest slaying puppies and baby wraiths as he has become the equivalent of a detached single mom who must care for 4 children while managing a fulltime jungling job.

I guess what I'm saying is: Story of my freakin life.

This story is not for the bad players. It's not even for the good non-jungling players, as they know that they are good (AKA they know what a ward is) and that this story does not pertain to them. This is a story for the junglers. Those brave few who venture into that Amazonian wilderness knowing that they will in all likelihood become the scapegoat for all of their team's inexperience and stupidity.

Why do we do it? Why subject ourselves to this torment? Because god ****it there is nothing more satisfying than having that 1 game out of 5 where you have an awesome system of support backing your efforts. Those are the games that make it worth it all.